"Do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care of itself." -Matthew 6:34

Gosh, I sometimes hate that I decided to be vague about this.

It's driving me crazy. I don't know what to pray or what to think. I feel like an utter fool. And then I click the random "Leave to God's Sovereignty" scripture thing and that jumps up.

I literally hurt. Argh.

Several things I've learned:

1. I didn't have the faith I thought I did. And now that I realize it isn't up to me, I'm really okay with that. I feel more free than possibly ever before.

2. Put that thing on the altar and watch it burn. Good grief, it's dead and stinking.

3. Terrified, generally.

4. Fiona actually trusts me.

5. My legs don't rub together anymore when I walk.

6. I am wrong in my general impressions about men, generally.

7. Someone thought I was early 20s. YAY!

Thinking about the Chicken Dance today. Silly but fun, and at every family function in the history of my life.

If you ever go to a German wedding, you'll need to know how to do it.

Cluck cluck cluck cluck, flap flap flap flap, shake shake shake shake, clap clap clap clap...

Anyway.

Round 2 of antibiotics. Finally feeling better! Whoo hoo!

If only I owned stock in DayQuillllll...

Bought a new Teen Study Bible. Very cool orange and red cover, big type, and best of all, ONLY ONE COLUMN. When will Bible makers start making readable Bibles that don't cost $75?

This was only $30. And no, I don't feel weird carrying around a book for 12-15 year olds. :)

Not really.

A shout out to my little sister, who is stuck in the land of white-trash neighbors.

I made a mistake yesterday.

I don't know how to explain it except to say that I have suddenly realized that I am on hold for someone or something.

There is another element to it that makes it absolutely undesirable and impossible, but the main thing is the feeling of God standing behind me saying NO. And the feeling I can't shake of being 'on hold' for something.

I am giving blood today, and as usual the drive is on a Monday when I have my lowest-point day. I will have to swap out a high day today and do the low thing tomorrow or Thursday.

Things to remember:

With a 4-3 base defense, there are four linemen and 3 linebackers. That leave 4 defensive backs (2 corners and 2 safeties). This defense is great against the run and 2 wide receiver sets.

With a nickel defense, you substitute one of the linebackers (bigger and slower) for a 5th defensive back (smaller and faster). So you have four linemen, two linebackers and 5 DBs. This defense is usually played when there are three receivers on the field. It is better against the pass than the run.

With a dime defense, you substitute one more of the linebackers for a 6th defensive back. This defense is designed to stop the pass and is pretty bad against the run because there is only one linebacker. The line is thinner with 4 linemen and one linebacker.

Temperance. Never been able to figure out how that word means 'no drinking.'

Well, C.S. Lewis finally righted it for me: it used to mean 'going the right length and no farther.' Interesting. Then I guess someone's pet sin took over and redefined the word.

Here is an interesting paragraph: "One great piece of mischief has been done by the modern restriction of the word Temperance to the question of drink. It helps people to forget that you can be just as intemperate about lots of other things. A man who makes his golf or his motor-bicycle the centre of his life, or a woman who devotes all her thoughts to clothes or bridge or her dog, is being just as 'intemperate' as someone who gets drunk every evening. Of course, it does not show on the outside so easily: bridge-mania golf-mania do not make you fall down in the middle of the road. But God is not deceived by externals." (Mere Christianity)

God does not want people who adhere to a set of rules. He wants people of a particular sort, who are shown to be part of the group by certain things, and He graciously makes us as He desires us to be; He does not stand back and demand the impossible and then refuse to help. What we do in our lives is a product of His work and His power, in the same way a Stradivarius is the product of the master's work and skill; we are fashioned a tool, given glory we did not earn, and only the master knows the purity of sound that may be reached when his tool is properly played.

I righted a wrong today, I hope, and I feel much more free than I did this morning.

How did I get an antiiismokiiiiing ad?

Today: big sweater, hair up, green tea, cold medicinne, tired but not feeling bad.

Have to send down changes on one ¶ and really kick some tail on another today. Can we do it?

How in the world did they win that game last night?

Got 2 giant bottles of Dayqui1 for $8. Helps.

Think stomach is probably not related to cold. Friends say it will be gone quickly. Hope it's not S*RS-related from PigPen...very yucky.

Hate Indianapo1is. Hate!!!!!! Hate refs more. What a terrible call on 97. That was reaaaaally reaching.

Ok so I slept through some of it.

Oh, yucccccck, I am coming down with something for sure.

Thought it was maybe only sinus Friday but I'm pretty sure it's virus today.

Be sure to read Krauthammer today.

Dinner at the Melting Pot with some of my favorite people in the world. I came home early and walked so that i would have enough points to eat. I figure 5 for meat, 5 for cheese, 1 for bread/salad, 1 for potato, probably 7 or 8 for dessert (melted chocolate and fruit). I think this is accurate.

Something happened that made me feel a bad, or inattentive, friend. I have a friend who's been going through hell and I have wanted to call her, but I don't know what to say. And I've dropped the ball in the process by not letting her KNOW I was there for her.

Not good.

I am beginning to realize how much influence over those kids I have. That's kind of scary - I don't think IIIII should have influence over anyone. I can only hope and pray God uses me.

My life is so blessed because of that family. God, please bless them beyond measure.

One of the things, hilariously, that I want to do (if it's possible to talk about this AND makeup brushes AND facials AND simplicity in one day, hello schizo) is buy the Simpsons DVDs because THAT is pop culture in the 90s, baby, and we should all keep track.

The third season is out on DVD. Check it.

I was thinking about this because I watched The Shinning (Halloween) episode last night. Funnnnnnny...

ok, so this is a big deal

My friend was attacked by someone last week and though she is safe now, she is experiencing post-traumatic stress. I've got to check up on her.

Think that on Friday I'm going to see Cinema Paradiso with Yvette and Joanie. That's happy. Hope Jamie joins us too.

Saturday I am going to set up Paypal for the Codenames site. Today I have MT and then hanging out with Scott. Tomorrow I have a facial at Bobbi Brown (just want someone professional to do my makeup so I can keep learning) so that's cool. I love when people make up my face. I don't even care how they do it...it's just fun to be a model. :)

Ok, so, there is a trunk at BB that I would really like but THIS is materialistic. I do not need a $125 makeup suitcase, though if I am going to keep doing makeup for photo shoots I should have SOMETHING. It makes sense. It's so darn cool looking. I already decided that if we get a nice bonus this year I'll treat myself to a set of brushes. Those will last a lifetime.

Which reminds me, last night I was at M's hanging out with the girls. They are so cool...Phil had a copy of the new book about Rich Mullins sitting out so I decided to read it. I remembered so much of what I always admired about him. I think he's probably the christian I most admire. The one thing that struck me is how much I need simplicity. In many ways I am right where I want to be (I don't need a house, I don't need fancy furniture or clothes, etc.) but in others I am horrified of how shallow I can be. Hey, sin isn't pretty. But what he said was 'have what you need, enjoy what you have.' And that you can be as prideful of poverty as you can be of wealth. Well, I am nowhere near poverty, and nowhere near wealth, but I do understand the need to not be prideful. I own too many things. Too many things I don't need.

Anyway, that wasn't to bash myself, I'm okay, but it was helpful to recenter on what is important. Simplicity is important. And not just in material things - simplicity in all things. How about the simplicity of keeping your word, of taking care of yourself, of seeking the face of God? The simplicity of remembering to smile at people you see in the hallway. These are simple disciplines but I believe they are important ones. The point isn't "Look how spiritual I am!" but am I trying to keep things simple...Love your neighbor? That's a simple thing. Not easy, but simple. Put others first. Give and it will be given to you. Love God.

Jesus Christ, son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

MG