Monday, July 02, 2007

Axiom

Y'all know there are several knitting axioms, or perhaps they are only aphorisms, which are so unbelievably, humiliatingly, undeniably true that you feel like a fool for succumbing to their leering charm yet again, and wonder how you managed to fall for it when you should know better.

To wit:
1. As soon as I feel I have mastered a lace pattern, I will make a mistake.
2. As soon as I rationalize a mistake I have made as not very important, I will make another, larger mistake. Through a Herculean force of will I will then deny any mistakes whatever, until I made a mistake so blatant that even a person who has never knitted before or seen a knitted stitch will be able to point it out, and will probably say "What was she thinking?"
3. As soon as I feel I *must* rip out the knitting, I'll decide to go all the way back to the first place I made a mistake.
4. Usually that will be on a row I cannot identify, so I'll end up after much gnashing of teeth either throwing it across the room or ripping it back entirely.
5. Making a statement like "I will not buy yarn until July 31st" virtually guarantees that for the next 30 days I will see nothing but patterns I want to knit, stash sales, yarn discounts and other temptations everywhere I look online.
6. Approximately twelve hours and fifteen minutes after making a statement like "I will not buy yarn until July 31st" I will decide that now is the time to start a stranded fair-isle bag because it only takes 4 balls of yarn and including shipping that is $25.
7. I will fight, uselessly, against the urge to buy it. Finally, miserable and ashamed, I'll dial up the website in the dark of night and decide to tell no one.
8. No matter how hard I try to knit on a deadline, there will always come a point where I'm frustrated, ready to cry and praying for nothing less than a knitting miracle to help me out of my self-imposed situation.
9. If I set something knitted down anywhere in the house, a cat will come running and plunk down right on top of it, and when he gets up, he'll probably snag it.
10. I'll never be able to decently weave in an end.

I'm not going to talk about what project all this had to do with, but it starts with "side" and ends with "winder." I can't get the hand of the double garter rib, I messed up the increases for the toe...pfft. I know this is not *really* a bad day or anything but I think I am going to thread a lifeline through it and rip. I'm tired of it.

32 days left for sockapalooza. I better get knitting.

3 Comments:

Blogger Annie said...

AMEN!! I can't agree more- this was fantastic!!

5:02 PM  
Blogger bellamoden said...

Oh man, all toooooo true.

Especially the no-buying-yarn thing. I wonder how I know about that one.....

And poor girl! Here's some mojo to help you through your sockapaloooozaness.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Cheesy Knit Wit said...

Well put!

10:42 AM  

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