Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Fee answers your questions

Question:Lulu would like to know how you combine being the prettiest cat in the house with your duties as Overlord.

Fee: Let me tell you, Lulu, it's not easy! I have to keep a busy schedule of grooming, sleeping and working out to keep myself tip-top. In order to balance my authoritarian dictatorship with my fine feline looks, I have to work smarter. I find that attitude is the key to working smarter. When I had front claws I used to bash Grady in the face until he bled. Now I find that a well-timed hiss or a jump straight into the air when he's around keep him on his toes and following my orders. Clawing my way to the top cat position in my house hasn't been easy, but it has been very worthwhile.

Grady: Pfft. Keep dreaming, small cat. You remain alive only because I permit it.

Question: Fee, Chaos would like to know your best tips for preventing humans taking your picture.

Fee: Chaos, thanks so much for your question. The key here is movement. Your success will be in sudden, untimed twitches, jumps and jerks. Typically a human will frame the shot and then inhale to steady the camera. Make your move just as you hear her breathe; she'll either have to wait longer for the shot, or she'll snap it anyway with you in motion, and the result will be a blurred, partial or otherwise ruined shot of you. Grooming works well to deter your human from picking up the camera at all, but if she's following you around with it, try not to sit still in one place for any length of time. If she makes you sit down, I find that pressing your ears back against your head make an effective deterrent. Pay close attention over the next few weeks and you'll learn exactly what frustrates your human the most. Chances are that instead of simply letting you get comfortable and sneaking up on you, she'll follow you around for several minutes trying to get the shot. You'll have ample opportunity to wreak havoc with the well-timed move.


Blogger Jerry & Maxy said...

Fee, you're brilliant. Hugs, Abby

Grady, I'm with you, man. Let 'em dream. Max

10:13 AM  
Blogger TheBunny said...

Fee, Chaos, let me remind you of one of the best picture-deterents you have in your arsenal. Licking the base of your tale as soon as the camera comes out. Humans don't want that pose for some reason.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Peevish said...

Lulu thanks you for the advice, and would like to pass on to Fee the useful technique of Brandishing the Fat Fluffy Paw of Death at appropriate moments.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Hmm, Chaos read that and wandered away looking thoughtful...

6:55 PM  

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