Monday, January 12, 2004


Have come to 3am realization that am now somewhat bitter and jaded about christians who don't seem to preach what the Bible says. 12:45am, actually, and have also come to the realization that they are not my responsibility. It does bother me that some things are being taught like "your healing is in direct proportion to your faith," when that wasn't always the case even when Jesus was walking around planet E. It was sometimes the case. But just as often, the healing of the person had nothing whatever to do with the person's own faith - it was the faith of a parent, or a couple of friends lowering him through the roof, or occasionally not faith at all that was given as the reason for the healing. The man at the pool of Bethesda didn't even ask for healing - only to be taken down into the water. If he had any faith at all, it was only that Jesus could carry a grown man into the pool. But Jesus healed him.

Anyway, that's still beside the point. God did not call me to be bitter. He called me to glorify Him, and bitterness does not do that. An angry, defensive Christian does not bring glory to God.

The obvious answer is -- let that go. Let go of need to criticize every other person out there. Critical thinking or analysis is not for the purpose of tearing down fellow believers.

Just not in a good mood today. But not in a bad mood either. 12:45am, insomnia when you've been asleep good and proper for a couple hours will do that. And then I dreamed my cat was drawing gridlines on the bathroom ceiling. Now where did that come from?

I watched The Pianist and Babette's Feast this weekend. I think I am one of those people sitting at the table, scowling and refusing to enjoy this masterpiece of dinner that God has placed before me. All that is mine has been given to me. All that is not mine, that has also been given to me.

I just need to calm down.


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